FACT TIME

Poems, thoughts, ideas, ponderings, rants, etc.

Published Friday, January 22, 2010 by Marcus | E-mail this post

*** Fact Time ***
Time To Feed You Little Factmorsels For You To Eat With Your Eyemouth. Yum Yum!

30 Amazing Facts In No Particular Order
(Other Than The Order That I Wrote Them In)

Special Clever Scientists have now proven that there are now more facts than there used to be.
The same scientists have also proven that there used to be less facts than there are now.
Fact-based knowledge is better than non-fact based knowledge, also called LIES.
Every day, 0.732 Million people lie without realising it.
2+2=4
Planet Earth (also called The World) is a not a planet but an egg.
7-8=56
A squirrel invented the first parachute.
Life.
E=MC Squared, where E is Egg, M is Marzipan, C is Cow, and the Square is really a Circle.
X=Y/Z, where X is Xylophone, Y is Yoghurt and Z is Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout.
1+1=2, where the first 1 is 3, the second 1 is 7, and 2 is Egg.
It is physically impossible to lick your own elbow.
It is also physically impossible to dance your way to the Moon.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
It's also impossible to sneeze if you have just died or if you don't have a mouth or if you are a lamp post.
If A+B=C, then what does D+E=? F, but only where A is Aardvark, B is Boomerang, C is Cow, D is Dinosaur, E is Egg and F is Baby Dinosaur.
If 1+2=3, then this means that 4+5=6. However, this is only true where 6 is 9.
If T+W+E+L+V+E = Twelve, then this means that 1+2=12 also. However, this is only true where 1 is 10 or where 2 is 11, but not both, because that makes 21, which as we all know is 2+1 not 1+2.
A chicken is just an Egg's way of making another Egg.
The Monkey Valve on a car (used for turning petrol into fire, and then subsequently into rotational energy, also called "spinny energy" by scientists, engineers and wizards) is made from the same material that bread is made from - egg.
"She Sells Sea Shells On The Sea Shore", but only on beaches where the shells are made from egg.
Fact number 24 is a lie.
Fact number 23 is true.
Fact number 25 is an elephant.
Fact number 26 is fact number 26.
Fact number 26 is fact number 26.
Fact number 28 isn't.
Fact number 29 is egg.
Fact number 30 is also egg.

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DISCUSSION & ANALYSIS
World Renouned Intellectual and Lesbian Scientist Marcus Cross Discusses His List of 30 Facts.

Hello Marcus, and thank you for talking to us. We know how busy and important you are, so we really appreciate it.

"Hello, and that's alright, it makes me feel loved and appreciated."

Please tell us about this list of facts.

"Is it okay if I discuss them in list form?"

Yes, please do.

"Okay. Here is my list of facts about the list of facts:

I wrote this list myself.
All of it is true, apart from the bits of it that aren't, and even those might be, you don't know.
I was originally going to write more than 30 facts.
There is one fact missing from the list. It is a very important one, but I didn't feel it was important to list it.
Next year I'm going to release an encyclopedia full of my own facts. This will help people learn the truth about the world and life and everything, instead of all those lies that all the other books contain. And as we have learned already today, lies aren't real facts, they are pretend fact pretending to be real facts when they're not really REAL real they're pretend real. Stupid bloody carry-on. All of my facts are true apart from the ones that aren't, but we have already been through this. Pay attention. Stop gazing out the windows at the trees."