I was thinking today (it's always fun when that happens), I wonder if they will ever put motorways on the Isle of Wight.

They could put one going all the way round the edge, similar to how the M25 goes all round the outside of London. This would be really useful for people who want to see all the coastal views but don't have much time.

Another motorway could be placed East to West, to get across the main length of the island in minimal time. Ideal for people who have so far spent nearly a week in a caravan on the east coast of the island, and not long before it's time to go home, suddenly realise they haven't even seen the western side of the island yet because the time has really flown by while they've been playing beach volleyball with their grandchildren. "Ooh, quick Margaret, if we really put the pedal to the metal we can be there in under 15 minutes, throw a few oddly-shaped pebbles into the sea, and then whizz all the way back again with just enough time to pack away young Simon's little one-man play tent..."

Then there could be a South to North one, which wouldn't just stop at the northern edge of the island, but would continue towards the mainland via a huge suspension bridge (made entirely of recycled materials). This would be fantastic for day-trippers, and would increase tourism to the island from all the very busy people on the mainland who don't have time to sit around wasting time on a ferry. One small down-side: the island may subsequently see an increase in joyriders coming over from poor areas of Portsmouth (compared to the current small number of hovercraft joyriders). Solution: install a toll booth. Maximum pentalty for crashing through toll barrier without paying: DEATH.

Looking at this map, it's easy to see how this could link up with the M27, and therefore utimately the M3 towards London. However, I would also recommend that the current A34 be converted into a motorway and an interchange with the M4 constructed (as well as continuing north towards Oxford), enabling motorway access to Bristol, south Wales, and the rest of the UK.

There would be no speed limits on the island's motorways. Rather, there would be a big sign every half a mile warning you: "WARNING: Drive Carefully, Or You Might End Up In The Sea!!" Each sign would be in a different colour to the previous one, to make sure it catches your eye. Maybe also include a rudimentary image of a car sinking into water.

What do you think?

Answers on a postcard to:

Isle of Wight Motorway Campaign
P.O. Box 1324738925497308488734095983.723
London
NW1 6TJ
England
United Kingdom
Europe
Planet Earth
The Solar System
The Milky Way
The Universe
The Huge Collection Of Infinite Universes Inside God's Left Nipple